Is there a theology of singleness?

Great questions last Sunday on relationships. One of the really sharp questions that came up on the feedback cards and question time was about singleness. Is there biblical sexuality for singles beyond 'flee sexual immorality'? What does it look like to be a good model of Christian singleness?

As Ed mentioned on Sunday night, we (as the community of 645) need to do a lot more thinking and exploration of this. We need to carefully listen to the Word of God and share our wisdom on this. So there's not a neat tidy answer ready to go on this one. Some thoughts to keep us thinking

1. As a community we need to acknowledge that singleness can be a hidden torment for some people. Feelings of loneliness and isolation can be very powerfully present in people's lives. This is where couples need to make sure they embrace and welcome singles not exclude or avoid because they feel awkward about them. Again couples need to love singles not by trying to match them up with other singles but by being their brother and sister in Christ. 

2. While God has created us for relationship, the Bible doesn't see singleness as a necessary curse. Both Jesus and the apostle Paul lived full rich authentic lives as single men. Paul saw his singleness as a blessing - allowing him to serve Jesus more than he would have with all the responsibilities of family (See 1 Corinthians 7). Older generations will remember the ministry of the evangelist John Chapman and our own Peter Johnston who had massive ministries to others as single men.

3. A wise woman said to me after Sunday that we need to be careful not to think that getting married will be the end of all our problems. Heartache and loneliness can be realities in marriages. Marriages require work and responsibility that singleness doesn't bring. It really is better to be single than suffer in a bad marriage. So we need to spare ourselves the disappointment that comes from thinking 'if i could just find someone, then i'd be happy'. 

4. It occurred to me that there's a real sense that the way we model godly singleness is the way we do it in every part of life. How do you model godly work, parenting, priorities, dating, study etc? By putting Jesus first and serving him in all things. It might sound too neat but this is real. When the pain of singleness is very real it can be tempting to withdraw, get critical of couples and complain 'the church' doesn't do enough for singles. The way of Christian freedom is not to be controlled and dominated by this but to get on serving Jesus. This has 3 real benefits - as you pour your time into serving Jesus; you become a better and better potential husband or wife, you are more likely to meet a great godly partner who'll see that in you, and you find a greater  wholeness and fulfillment as you know Jesus more deeply. It's not neat. It's doesn't mean the longing for a partner ends but you're less defined and dominated by 'being single'. 

There's so much more we need to explore and discuss together but this hopefully gets us thinking. 

James