We mentioned a software program for online accountability. It's called Covenant Eye (www.covenanteyes.com). It's quite easy to visit the site, download the software and nominate your accountability partner. Perhaps it sounds a bit full on? But we need to remember how 'private' internet pornography seems. In the 'old' days looking at pornography meant you had to actually go and buy a magazine or video. Now you can search, view, download whatever you like all in the privacy of your home. So having a Christian friend you trust, who will pray with you and keep you accountable by using these kind of programs as a tool is helpful not invasive.
But we know our struggle with sexual immorality is not all about men looking at pornography. Many women struggle in entirely different areas. Perhaps it's the encouragement in our culture for them to dress more and more sexually. Perhaps it's the knowledge that their dress, their flirting has a powerful influence over men. Perhaps it's the longing for intimacy and security so seductively offered by luring a man to them. As 645 we need to encourage our sisters that they are valued and loved because Jesus loved them and died for them. Some of the important ways we do this is by loving them for their godly beauty and serving them as sisters not potential girlfriends. We need to pray for and encourage our older adults to keep on being godly examples in their marriages.
So to help us continue to wrestle and think carefully about all this, here are some more tips for a cross shaped sexuality.
1. Remember who you are. It may sound obvious but we actually need to preach the gospel to ourselves. Remember 1 Corinthians 6:11. Remember that Jesus has given us a new beginning from 'are' to 'were'. In the power of God's Spirit lives are changed and we really are washed clean and forgiven. So we need to both live that way and embrace the freedom we have to serve God with our bodies AND not let shame or guilt haunt or strangle us.
2. Remember what sex is about. Sex is a gift from God to be enjoyed (yes enjoyed) in marriage. We need to keep on reminding ourselves of that. We need to keep on reminding ourselves that the best most fulfilling, guilt free, edifying, helpful, relationship building sex is in marriage. Our culture keeps challenging that - keeps on telling us we're missing out if we haven't explored our sexuality, if we haven't slept around before we settled down, if we haven't used the old 'try before you buy' approach. So we're encouraged to think sex in marriage is boring and limiting or just something you settle into once all the fun is over. But God tells us sex is designed for marriage for joy, intimacy and children. Yes, i know many couples struggle with sex in marriage but where a couple works through those issues with honesty, prayer, and trust their relationship is strengthened and sex is not just an act but the delight in their relationship and each other's bodies.
3. Pray and be accountable. Often we can be tempted to explore, play with or hold onto our temptations. But the Bible is very clear what we should do with sin - flee it and pursue or chase godliness. So the best thing you can do when you're tempted is pray - tell God you're struggling, ask him to strengthen and reshaped you to serve him. Having a friend (of the same sex) who you can be honest with and who will pray with you is really helpful in this.
4. Think not what i can't do but what can i do. I remember as a young Christian hearing a talk on Romans 6 and i still remember the encouragement from vs11-14. The encouragement was to focus on serving God. Sound simple but sometimes we can be battling away with temptation and it becomes so big and difficult, it dominates our prayers - we become fixated on what we can't do and so we keep on confronting and thinking about what we can't do. That's not the Bible's message - the Bible urges us to focus on how to serve God with our lives. If that's our focus (of prayer, time, energy) our temptations and struggles have their proper place - real but not the whole story of the Christian life.
5. Don't think how far can i go but how can we be holy. The old question is 'how far can i go with...my girlfriend, boyfriend, fiancee'. It's actually the wrong question to ask. Because once you set the line then you allow yourself to go right up to it and then later to push it a little. 'It's not so bad we only stepped over the line a little'. So the line moves a little bit and you push it a little each time until you're doing what you never intended to do. It happens so easily with couples who have no intention of sleeping together but gradually move from a nice kiss goodbye to long passionate kisses, to lying on the couch, to lying on the bed, to fondling to, under the covers, to...A much more helpful way to go, a much more helpful question to ask is 'how can we serve and honour Jesus together'. If that is your focus as a couple you won't be playing with boundaries and lines, you're being tempted to push things a little more each time.
There's much more to say, to talk about and many more questions to ask so please keep working through a cross shaped sexuality together.
1. Remember
